


Stay

by FairyLights101



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Bottom Mike, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Hate to Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut, post ACWNR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:34:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7756204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyLights101/pseuds/FairyLights101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Stay."</p><p>Levi glanced back at Mike, who squeezed his wrist a little tighter. He shook his head, pulled his hand away and tucked it into his chest. Tried to force the tightness in his ribs and the churning in his stomach to stop. "I can't." <em>I'm scared.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [Frau](http://glassesgirl0401.tumblr.com/) was wanting some bottom!Mike... and you'll get it. Just not today. Oops?

He couldn’t get drunk. He knew that, but he’d tried anyway. Two bottles, three bottles, and halfway through a fourth, and all he felt was the need to piss and the hollow feeling in his chest. 

He wanted Farlan to reach out, to pull the bottle from his loose hand. He wanted Isabel to wrap her arms around his stomach and ease him off the edge of the wall of the castle, back down onto blankets spread out so they could star at the stars. Stars they’d never seen so clearly until just a short time before. Air they’d never tasted with such clarity. It had been sweet. Now when Levi sucked a breath down it was bitter, burned as it scraped its way down his throat, through his lungs. 

Levi rose, unsteady on his feet. Not from the alcohol. From the lack of sleep. In the wake of the expedition they’d been given a week to recuperate, to put themselves back together after the ordeal. Levi hadn’t slept the night they’d left four days before. Not really. Every time he closed his eyes he could see hers, glassy and wide, lips parted with fear. He could see Farlan’s, a dull blue devoid of hope before they closed forever. And that bastard had had the audacity to smile. 

Levi ground his teeth together as he pressed the bottle to his lips and drank again. Some spilled out. Most went down with a faint burn, marginally better than the shit he’d had in the underground. But it still couldn’t do shit. Couldn’t drag him under or make him forget about their faces or their smiles or the things they’d done together. 

_ This is stupid. Farlan would kill me if he knew I was like this. Isabel would be sad _ . But he wasn’t entirely sure he cared. Because they were dead, and the thoughts and opinions of the dead were meaningless. There was no one who could hear them or understand them. Only people who could remember and regret. 

_ I should’ve killed him _ . 

But he hadn’t. He hadn’t stolen the papers soon enough. He hadn’t murdered Erwin. He’d led his friends - his  _ family _ \- to their end.  _ Fuck. _ Levi’s hand tightened on the bottle and he spun on the battlement. He chucked the bottle as hard as he could and it crashed into the stone wall of the flanking tower, shattered into a thousand pieces that fell to the ground, deafening in the quiet of the night.  _ Good. Let them hear. It’s not like those bastards would be surprised. I’m a thug afterall. An idiot and a thug _ . 

Levi sucked down one breath. Two. Spun around and faced the horizon as he edged forward on the battlement until his bare toes hung over nothing but the ground nearly some twenty meters below. Wind tugged at his hair and shirt, and Levi let it push him into a sway, rocking him between open air and the safety of the rampart. 

“Levi.” 

His eyes slowly opened and he glanced back. Mike stood to the left, glass around his shoe-covered feet.  _ Damn _ . But he couldn’t summon the venom, the wish that Mike had been barefoot so he could’ve stepped on the glass and sliced his feet up, maybe even gotten an infection and died. He was simply too tired for that. “Levi,” the blond giant murmured again, his voice soft, “Get down from there.” 

“Shut up.” He turned his back to Mike and curled his hands into fists at his side. Clenched them tight and dug his nails into his palms. Bit his tongue.  _ Go away. It’s not like I’m going to jump. _ But the notion was tempting. Too tempting. To be selfish, just for once, and give up. To take the plunge and wake up on whatever waited on the other side. Isabel had always been eager for the thought of Heaven. Farlan had been more pessimistic about the whole thing, talking about rebirth and how humanity as a whole must’ve done something stupid as fuck to be given a world with titans. 

Soft footsteps pulled him back, made him glance. Mike stepped up onto the battlement beside Levi and sank down onto the little stone square. His face was soft, younger somehow in the moonlight. It almost looked like he hadn’t been part of a slaughter just a few days before. Like he wasn’t Humanity’s Strongest soldier. Just a man. A human. Levi sneered. “What, your bed not good enough?” 

“It’s fine, though I could say the same for you.” 

Levi flicked his wrist at Mike and turned again, resolutely faced forward. Mike let it fall silent. Wind whispered around them. The forest nearby hummed quietly with the noises of the animals within. Mike breathed, soft and steady. It only took a minute for Levi’s eyes to slide back over to him and still. “What do you want?” 

“I wanted to check on you.” 

He snorted. “Why? Surely you’ve got more important shit to do.” Mike simply stared at him, his eyes soft.  _ Sympathetic _ . Something inside Levi snapped and white-hot rage curled in his stomach, blisteringly hot. He spun on the battlement, lips curled in a snarl, and threw his hand out. 

“What, because my friends are dead? News flash you mutt, they’re not the only ones! If you’re trying to be righteous or a good guy or some other bullshit you can cut it the fuck out and go bother some other poor sack of shit who lost someone. I’m  _ fine _ ,” he spat. He jabbed his hand at Mike and leaned across the stone that separated them. “And I don’t need your fucking  _ pity _ . I don’t-” 

A strong gust of wind caught him, made him wobble, and Levi stepped back - found an edge. His foot slipped and his arm lashed out, desperate. Icy fear flooded his veins as the world listed sideways, as the wind changed. 

_ I don’t want to die _ . 

A hand closed around his and jerked him back. He hit the rampart with a heavy thud and a gasp, and another heavier thud came right after. “Shit,” Mike grunted beside him, and Levi just gasped in response.  _ Fuck _ . 

He ripped his wrist out of Mike’s grasp and scrambled up, body trembling with adrenaline and fear, his eyes wide. Mike peered up at him, eyes narrowed with confusion, and he began to rise, but Levi grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him back down to the ground hard enough that the blond grunted. “I don’t need your fucking pity, and I don’t need you to save me either, you fucking  _ mutt _ ,” he snarled as he jerked on the collar of Mike’s shirt. “I don’t need  _ anything _ from you or that shit-head Erwin, alright?  _ Nothing _ . I was fucking  _ fine _ until you jackasses came along so don’t think this makes up for shit, you fucking asshole.” 

Mike didn’t say a word. Didn’t move. Just stared up at him with those infuriatingly calm blue eyes that made Levi feel small. Positively fucking tiny. His hands loosened on Mike’s collar. Fell away. He sank back onto Mike’s chest and for a long moment they watched each other, wind toying with their hair, all quiet in the night. Mike raised an eyebrow. 

“Are you good now?” 

Levi grunted. Not a yes, but not a no. And the mutt could figure out which it was for himself. Mike’s eyebrows furrowed. But the bastard didn’t say a thing.  _ Fuck this, I’m going _ . Mike’s hands closed around his shoulder, his grip loose but enough to make Levi pause as he glanced back down. Mike shook his head. “I don’t pity you Levi. I’d have to be a fool to pity you.” His nose twitched as he sniffed. “Pity is the last thing you need, I think.” 

Levi scowled down at Mike, who only smiled faintly as he squeezed Levi’s shoulders. Levi waited one second. Two. Nodded. Mike’s hands fell away. Levi rose. 

“Want some tea?” 

“... Yeah.”


	2. Chapter 2

For the rest of that week and the ones that followed neither of them mentioned it. Lips were sealed. Looks were normal. Everything was back to normal. Except the base was too quiet without Isabel’s loud laughter and the meals were too silent without Farlan’s snide comments. Levi ate alone at the end of a table. It wasn’t hard with too few soldiers and too many seats. 

Mike sat with Erwin. Hanji split their time between them, determined to try and get Levi to speak, but also caught up with gods knew what kind of plans with the Commander and his dog. Levi just sneered into his cup, irritated, disgusted.  _ You could always leave _ . And yet he stayed. And his eyes always drifted over to the little cluster as they bowed over papers and plans. And Mike never seemed to fail to meet his eyes. After the fifth time on the eighth day Levi rose with a scowl, grabbed his empty dishes, and stomped off to the kitchen and shoved the plate and mug into the hands of a small soldier wearing an apron caked with flour. 

He stormed off through the halls, the torch flames guttering as he stalked past. One hallway. Two. The barracks weren’t good enough - not private, and with night falling fast they’d only get more and more filled, even if they had suffered losses recently. Levi bit his cheek harshly and jerkily turned another corner. 

The hall was deserted, and Levi stomped down to the end until he reached the supply closet and he jerked the door open. Hinges squeaked. His scowl deepened. He slid into the near total darkness of the closet, only broken by the faint streaks of light that eeked their way through a grime-coated window near the ceiling. 

Despite that the closet was clean and fairly spacious, enough room for Levi to pace a few steps before he had to double back. He didn’t pace for once. Instead he sank down, back to one of the wooden shelves filled with cleaning supplies, and he drew his knees into his chest. He settled his chin onto his knees with a quiet sigh. Curled his fingers around his ankles. 

_ This is shitty _ . 

For a short while it had been better than the underground, just a little. The food might have been crummier - military rations as opposed to stealing things that didn’t taste like ass - but they’d at least gotten to be outside. They’d gotten to feel real,  _ fresh _ air in their hair and on their faces. Gotten to walk around and not worry about getting stabbed or stepping in shit or piss or gods knew what other kinds of crap that had covered the streets and alleys of the underground. They’d been - well, not free, but pretty fucking close. It had been good. Even with the sunburns and the orders and the crappy food and the derision from the other soldiers. 

Levi ground his teeth together, gut clenching with anger. And then it crumbled away as the last rays of sunlight seeped away and silvery black crept in.  _ Anger won’t bring them back. _ Neither would killing titans, but he couldn’t complain much. It meant he had a bed, a guaranteed meal or three, a place in the fresh air. He smiled to himself, small and bitter.  _ Isabel, Farlan, it’s not exactly how we imagined, is it? _ Wallowing in misery and anger certainly hadn’t been at the top of his plans. Being alone hadn’t been remotely close either. 

Levi leaned back. Reached into his breast pocket and closed his fingers around the cloth inside. He’d cleaned the blood off their patches the best he could, but they were still stained. The white thread was a ruddy brown, the blue almost black, and the cloth of their jackets splattered. But the names scratched onto the backs in sharp black in were still there, still intact. 

Levi thumbed them carefully for a long moment before he pressed them back into his breast pocket.  _ At least I’ve got this much _ . Their bodies - what had remained anyways - had been burned, just like the rest. All that remained of Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church were their patches and his memories. And even those were bound to disappear eventually. 

Levi sighed, pressed his fingers to his eyes. Then he rocked forward and rose to his feet. Opened the door. Froze as his eyes slid to the left where Mike turned the corner, something in his massive hands. Mike’s steps faltered and the blond glanced up. Levi’s hand tightened on the doorknob. They both stilled there, staring at each other, Levi’s eyes narrowed, Mike’s eyes easy. The mutt held his hand out. A bag lay in his palm, drawstring undone to reveal tiny little crackers inside. “Want some?” 

Levi snorted and shook his head as he slipped out of the closet and shut it behind him with a creak and a click. “I don’t want anything from you, dumbass.” They were probably gross and covered in lint and stinking of sweat anyways. Probably not even good. 

He shrugged and plucked another little cracker out, crunched on it as he pinned Levi down with the weight of his blue eyes. It made him uncomfortable. Not in the way that Erwin’s did - Erwin was easier to read despite everything. That man made no secret of his goals and ambitions. Mike was a totally different beast. Almost predatory with the way he watched and soaked things in. Calculating, not like Erwin, but like someone who knew of the hunt. Someone who knew that it was all a waiting game. And Levi  _ hated _ it. 

“What were you doin’ in there?” 

“Does it matter?” he snapped back. Mike shrugged. Levi huffed. He spun on his heel, took two steps before Mike called after him. 

“Want to go on a walk?” 

He stilled and twisted back around, one eyebrow raised. “Why should I?” 

Mike shrugged again, the movement absurdly frustrating. And the blond must have known because he smiled, wide enough that Levi saw his teeth, white and a little uneven. “I just thought you seemed lonely.” 

Levi’s eyes widened for a second before they narrowed and his lips curled back into a snarl. He flicked Mike off and spun back around. “Fuck you, dog-breath.” Mike didn’t call after him again. The way that made Levi ache left him confused, even long after he’d stripped and crawled into his bunk, the one below too empty for his tastes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm far too excited about this story but I think I've earned that. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day/night/existence.


	3. Chapter 3

“Soldiers, pair off!” 

Levi hung back, watched as the other soldiers began to split into pairs and move about the circular training area. The numbers began to trickle away, but he bit his tongue. Prior he would have sparred with Farlan and Isabel and only split up with them if instructed to do so - that had happened more often than not once they’d realized what the three of them were doing. But now Levi was stuck - he barely knew most of the soldiers despite two months with them and cared for them even less. He’d taken to pairing off with whatever unfortunate fuck was left. More often than not they ended up in a dazed heap on the ground. So he scowled, crossed his arms, and watched as the numbers began to dwindle and dwindle. 

And then there were four left. Him, Mike, a young blonde called Nanaba, and a ginger called Klaus. The second he felt Mike’s eyes on him he tensed and resolutely turned his head away, but the surprisingly soft footsteps made him look anyways. Mike smirked down at him, nose twitching in that infuriating way, not that anything about him  _ didn’t _ piss Levi off. “Well? Do you wanna be my partner?” 

“Eat shit and die,” he grumbled, but when Mike moved Levi trailed after him. He could feel the stares of the other soldiers, curious. He bit back a snarl. He and Mike had yet to spar, though he’d managed to send every person he’d fought sprawling onto the ground within seconds, half a minute if they were lucky. But even though they tended to be taller and thicker, none dwarfed him like Mike. Nearly two meters and over one-hundred kilograms. A tiny titan. And Levi looked like a midget beside him. They probably thought he’d be crushed. And they’d certainly enjoy seeing that. Levi snorted to himself as he and Mike stilled and settled a little ways apart, stances easy. 

At the whistle from the instructor they sank down and Levi’s eyes narrowed. Mike was calm - hell, Levi had rarely seen a time when he  _ wasn’t _ . Back in the underground had been one. Over Farlan and Isabel’s corpses had been another. 

Levi’s lips pressed together into a grim line. Mike smiled faintly as his nose twitched and his fingers curled into fists. Levi raised his, his guard a little staggered.  _ Bring it on you big oaf _ . 

A second whistle. Levi launched himself forward. Mike caught his fist and sent a blow to Levi’s stomach, but the soldier leapt up, belly hot, and twisted in Mike’s grasp, lashing out with a foot. Mike ducked and Levi hit the ground, sprung back onto his hands, back to his feet as Mike swept the ground where he landed. 

They sank back into their stances and prowled, and Levi scowled. Mike lunged first, three quick jabs to Levi’s head that he dodged before he ducked beneath Mike’s arms and punched him square in the kidney. The blond grunted, but he didn’t buckle. He kicked out instead and caught Levi in the thigh so hard that he fell to the side and rolled. His leg felt dead when he rose back up on it, but Levi bared his teeth in a vicious grin as he advanced, one step at a time. 

Six jabs from him that Mike blocked, a kick from Mike that he ducked beneath, two punches that he dodged. Dust flew from beneath their feet. Levi’s heart pounded in his ears, deafening as he swayed to the throbbing tempo. Heat curled in his gut, dangerous and ready to snap.  _ Fuck you _ . Mike lunged in for a punch and Levi slid out and to the side, back behind him.  _ Take him down _ . 

A swift kick to the back of Mike’s leg right at the knee made it buckle, and a blow to the other sent him crashing to the ground, dust flying into the air. Levi pounced before he could roll over and straddled his waist as he pulled his arm back and punched. He managed to get three blows in before Mike heaved himself onto his side and Levi had to scramble off to avoid being crushed. 

A hand shot out, snatched him before he could get far. Hauled him close. Mike pulled him in, crushed his arms to his chest as he wrapped a forearm around Levi’s neck and the size of his arm wrenched Levi’s head up. Mike pressed. Levi gasped. Everything was crystal-clear, sharpened by the adrenaline that seared his veins. They were staring. Every single one of them. Watching the thug and Humanity’s Strongest. 

Watching him  _ lose _ . 

Levi’s teeth ground together and he threw his head back -  _ hard _ . A crunch met his ears. The arms around him loosened. He ripped his way out of them and spun around, leapt back onto Mike with a snarl.  _ I don’t need your pity _ . An open-palm strike to his face.  _ I don’t need your fucking pity _ . 

Another, this one to the other side. 

_ I don’t need you. _

His hand wrapped tight around Mike’s thick throat as he pulled his arm back, fist curled tight. Bright blue eyes cracked open. 

He froze. 

All at once it fell away - the adrenaline, the rage, the desperation. All that remained was a throbbing in his thigh and skull and chest and Mike. His face was covered in blood, nose broken. His eyes were wide. And for the first time they weren’t filled with calm or anger or determination or any other shit like that. They were wide with admiration. And something Levi didn’t want to understand. 

_ Don’t look at me like that.  _

He gritted his teeth together. Sucked down one breath. Two. “Yield?” 

Mike nodded slowly. Levi nodded back. Loosened his fingers from around Mike’s neck. The blond giant inhaled deeply and the world tipped beneath Levi. His legs tightened reflexively, but there was already a hand on his hip to steady him. He jerked with a snarl and Mike didn’t argue as Levi rose and stalked away. 

Levi had to cross his arms so they wouldn’t see how his hands were shaking. And all of the soldiers stared at him, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, as he leaned against the wooden fence. Shocked that he, a tiny little thug from the underground could topple Humanity’s Strongest. A man built like a fucking titan. 

Levi scowled at them, eyes cold. They stared back, watched as Mike slowly picked himself up off the ground. Blood dripped onto his uniform, stained the pristine white. He nodded to Levi and, without a word, turned back to headquarters and started walking, one hand over his bloody face. Levi’s hands tightened into fists. No one stepped forward to fight him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the patience guys. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things.  
> Comments are great.  
> Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day/night/existence.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey Levi, that was an impressive move you pulled against Mike.” 

He didn’t bother to glance up from his tea as Hanji sank down into the seat across from him, uninvited as always. They never gave a damn, just came and went as they pleased. He’d learned there was no stopping them. Even threat of bodily harm couldn’t deter them. Price of living with veterans who regularly put their lives and limbs on the line he supposed. He just kept his eyes on his tray of military slop and took one deep breath. Tried to not grab everything and go. Or even dump it over their head and walk off. 

They beamed at him. “Gotta say Levi, Mike’s the best fighter we’ve seen in a long time, and Erwin told me about the underground. Said you couldn’t beat him then - which is a good thing! It meant you got to join us!” 

_ Yeah, like that’s a fucking good thing _ . But Hanji, being an oblivious idiot, didn’t realize that the Survey Corps was the  _ last _ fucking place he wanted to be. Even a titan’s gullet was preferable. At least it would’ve been somewhat quiet inside. 

“Nanaba told me all about it - she said that  _ everyone _ stopped to watch you two! I know it didn’t last long, but damn! Do you think you would’ve won if you hadn’t broken Mike’s nose? Or do you think you would’ve lost? You and Mike are both very strong fighters so-” 

“Hanji, leave him alone.” 

Levi’s eyes snapped up and his gut twisted uncomfortably. Mike stood behind them, one hand on their shoulder, food in the other. The skin beneath his eyes had darkened to purples and blacks and a splint had been placed overtop. They hadn’t managed to clean all the blood from his nose or his little mustache and beard. Levi wasn’t sure if the sight gave him satisfaction or discomfort. He glanced back down at his food and stabbed at it harder than necessary. Their eyes were heavy on him. He twitched. 

“Can we sit here?” 

“I don’t fucking care.” 

A plate settled onto the table in front of him and Levi bit back a sigh.  _ Of course. Stupid. _ But, if Mike read the mood or his feelings, he didn’t give a damn, because he began to eat. His face was tender enough that he winced through some bites, but he powered through, slowly worked his way through his plate. 

Levi didn’t realize he was staring until Hanji cleared their throat and he glanced over. They smirked at him. He kicked them beneath the table and wore a little smirk of his own with they doubled over with a small groan. Mike smiled faintly as he glanced from Hanji to him and raised an eyebrow. 

“Eager to spar are we?” 

“Eat your meal, pooch.” 

“How many more dog-related names can you come up with, Levi?” 

“As many as I need to, mange-head.” 

“Ouch,” Mike drawled as he tapped his chest, “You’re hurting my feelings.” 

“Good.” 

He didn’t miss the wide grin Hanji wore as they glanced between the two of them, but for once they remained silent. He didn’t like the look in their eyes - analytical in a way Erwin and Mike’s weren’t. Their eyes were more…  _ crazed _ . Intrigued. Focused on something only they could hope to see. And whatever they saw they must have liked because they giggled to themselves before they started to shovel their food down too. 

Levi curled his lips back, but he started to eat again a moment later.  _ It’s not worth it. Whatever they’re thinking is probably just some titan-related bullshit anyways. None of my concern. _ What was his concern was the way Hanji wouldn’t shut their gods damned  _ mouth _ , spewing useless facts about the titans and gods knew what else that he tried to tune out. 

Except he couldn’t. Their voice was too loud, their tone fluctuated too much, and their arms shot out randomly. They nearly punched Mike in the nose on accident, but the blond managed to dodge at the last second, and that was when Levi nearly lunged across the table, grabbed them by the goggles, and slammed their head into their plate. 

But he didn’t. He bit his tongue instead and dug his fingers into his leg as he slowly sipped at his tea. After a few breaths he managed to calm down. After a few more he heard a faint chuckle and he glanced up. Mike’s eyes were on him. Soft and warm. Lips curled up into a smile. Sympathetic. His eyes cut over to Hanji, then back to Levi. Something in Levi twisted and he bit his tongue harder.  _ Don’t look at me like that. It pisses me off _ . But Mike didn’t stop. So Levi looked away first, glared at what was left of his food.

He stabbed at it and choked the rest of it down faster than normal and he lurched up. Hanji didn’t seem to notice - or perhaps they just didn’t care. Mike waved at him, but Levi didn’t acknowledge it. Just stomped back to the kitchen and dropped his dishes off and made his way through the halls. Not to the barracks - he didn’t want to see any of his fellow soldiers. Not to the supply closet - Mike knew he’d been there. Not the roof either. 

He ended up in the courtyard, deserted except for a lean tabby cat that prowled around the edges and meowed at him a few times before it trotted over and wound around his legs, purring loudly. Levi stared at it for the longest time before he sank down and held his hand out. It eagerly ran up to his hand and rubbed the side of it’s face along his hand, purring all the while. After the third pass he lifted up the tail.  _ Girl, huh? _

She flopped down into the grass in front of him, her rumbling purr almost deafening. When he failed to move his hand quick enough she swatted, claws in, and pulled his hand closer. “Greedy little shit, aren’t you?” he mumbled. She purred in response.  _ It’s like Isabel. _ Levi chewed on his lip for a long moment before he sighed. 

“Isabel it is.” 

Isabel meowed. He smiled faintly. Scratched her behind the ears. It was dark when he rose, and when he headed back inside she scampered off to gods knew where. And he felt just a little bit lighter.


	5. Chapter 5

It became a ritual to sneak a few scraps of meat off his plate for Isabel, who greeted him with loud meows and louder purrs as she wound around his legs and ate off his hand, then licked it clean. Levi called her a pig every time, but it didn’t stop him from allowing her to clean his hand off. And no matter how grudging about it he was, he couldn’t deny her his lap. Even if she did shed a fair amount. He made sure to hide out of sight in the courtyard - the fewer people that knew about his evening activities the better. And it was peaceful.

She dozed in his lap through sunset and he read until it was dark, hand idle in her soft fur as he worked his way through the pages. He wasn’t the best reader by far, but the pages he poured over were far more interesting than the boring maneuvers he poured over during the day. They weren't the best - he'd swiped them from the belongings of the dead and stashed them away and so some of them had been penned in or were tattered, or they were crappy romance novels that only the idiots of Sina could enjoyed - but they were still something. 

So Levi perched behind some boxes in the corner and held the book open on one knee as Isabel ate the scraps from his hand and then curled up on the other leg, purring so hard that it felt like his entire body would shake with her. It was peaceful. Nice. Until one night, six days after his discovery of the cat, two voices caught his ear. 

Mike and Hanji. 

Levi stopped breathing. Isabel kept purring. Footsteps stilled. “We’ve got so many plans to go over and routes to memorize… Ugh! Mike! Can’t you tell Erwin to calm down? The next expedition isn’t for another two months unless he pulls off a miracle with the funding!” 

“This is Erwin,” Mike murmured, “He’s pulled off more ‘miracles’ than any other Commander so far. We’ve made some good pushes.” 

“That we have, “ Hanji hummed. One of them scuffed their shoe on the cobblestones. Took a breath. “He did good, finding Levi and bringing him in. He’s a strong soldier. Nanaba said she’d never seen anyone take you down like that.” 

Mike snorted. “Levi’s strong. Almost inhumanly.” His fingers curled in Isabel’s hair and the little cat blinked up at him, her green eyes soft and drowsy. She pressed her paws to his thigh and started to knead. Levi bit his tongue and pressed harder into the boxes. “It was impressive though,” Mike grunted after a moment. “Especially after…” 

“Oh! Oh my gosh, Mike, is there something you’re not telling me? Tell me! What is it? Especially after what? Oh my God,  _ Mike _ , you  _ can’t _ say something like that and not explain! C’mon! What was it? Did you find Levi drunk? Gustav said there was some liquor missing from the stores - enough to get half the barracks drunk. Oh! Or maybe you’re talking about the underground? No…  _ Mike _ ! Did you sleep with Levi?” 

Heat flooded Levi’s cheeks as he clamped a hand over his mouth and bit back a sound. And judging from the muffled sound behind him, he wasn’t the only one. 

“ _ Hanji _ , are you serious?” 

“Naturally! I mean, neither of you were walking around funny, but-” A muted slap skin and garbled, muffled sounds of speech - Mike must have clapped his hand overtop Hanji’s mouth. But that didn’t make it any easier for Levi. The cool night air was couldn’t do anything for his hot body, and his uniform felt stifling as he bit his tongue.  _ Me and Mike? Sleep together? As if. _ But it was too embarrassing to even  _ think _ about being in bed with that man, his huge body looming and- Levi smacked his forehead against his knee and bit his tongue harder. Forcibly dragged his thoughts away, redirected his attention to Mike and Hanji. 

“-upset about Isabel and Farlan.”  _ Oh _ . The heat poured away as quick as it had flooded in, left Levi drained and cold as he slumped against the crates. 

“Right… on the surface he seems to be handling it well, but I don’t think he was so angry before the expedition. It’s… I hate to see him this way.” 

“You barely know him Hanji.” 

“Maybe, and maybe I’m better with animals than people, but I know a pained creature when I see one.” A quiet hum, so soft he could barely hear it, and then a slightly louder sigh. “I want to help him.” 

“‘s up to him too.” 

“I know… But I can try.” 

Levi’s hands curled into fists, but they relaxed after a moment. His anger was slippery, impossible to keep ahold of.  _ I have been angrier since then, haven’t I? _ But it wasn’t like it was surprising. He’d lost everything in the span of minutes, seconds even. He’d lost his home, his hopes, his dreams. He’d lost his family all over again. For the third time. Because even though Kenny had ditched him, he’d at least been good enough to keep him fed and clothed and had taught him how to survive after his mother. 

But Isabel and Farlan had been special. They hadn’t been blurred by time placing fog over his memories. Hadn’t been tainted with anger and bitterness. They’d been by his side for more years than he could count - not that time had been much of a factor in the underground. And they were gone. And he had every right to be a bitter bastard about it. 

Levi tipped his head back, settled it on the crate.  _ Fuck you both _ . He wasn’t sure if the thought was to Farlan and Isabel or to Mike and Hanji. Maybe to both pairs. He couldn’t care. Not with the way his chest ached and the space around him felt too empty. “Hanji, you should go get some rest.” 

“Right! We’re getting recruits soon, so we’d best be on our best for them! I wonder how they’ll be… it’ll be interesting. C’mon Mike, we can talk training regimes on the way to the barracks!” Footsteps resumed. A door opened and closed with a creak and a thump. Silence fell over the dark courtyard once more. 

Isabel yawned. Levi opened his eyes and peered up at the starry night sky above. Raised his hand. Blotted out some of the stars and constellations with a careless sweep of his hand, though they reappeared the moment his hand moved.  _ This sucks _ .


	6. Chapter 6

_This really sucks_. His hands tightened around the cast-iron pot he wasn’t even finished scrubbing, covered in soapy suds, and he cut his eyes over at Mike. The blond giant just smiled blithely and continued to scrub the plates that the soldiers had brought him, jokes and smiles on their lips.

Even the new recruits, a little nervous around such an intimidating man, had managed a tiny smile at him. They’d only balked around him. Levi wasn’t sure if that was more irritating or the humming that Mike had persisted with since they’d begun. He hadn’t recognized any of the tunes yet. But some of the other washers had, and a few of them had hummed along periodically as well, though for the most part it had been silent except for the slosh of water and Mike’s soft whistle.

_I will bash your brains out if you don’t stop._

Mike didn’t.

Levi didn’t dash his head against the floor. An amazing feat of self-control he prided himself on.

Right until he realized they weren’t even halfway through the pile of dishes on the counter. And his book awaited him in his room, a halfway decent novel about a band of people going to overthrow a kingdom, their leader a wimpy guy who could use magic, though not very well. And, perhaps more disheartening, Isabel was waiting on him, doubtlessly hungry even though she surely hunted rats and mice around the castle. Levi huffed. Dunked another pot into the soapy water.

Mike hummed quietly and glanced over. Levi bit the inside of his cheek. The weight of his stare made him squire, made him twitch, and Levi felt uncomfortable beneath his gaze like he never had before. Mike smiled. He started to whistle again. Levi bit his cheek. Sighed. Rinsed off the dish in hand and passed it over to some poor soldier - Decker - who dried it off.

“Hey Mike, that’s a tune from the north right?” Nanaba piped up from the other side. Mike hummed an affirmative that she smiled at as she turned back and started to dry off dishes beside the blond. “We used to sing that in the fields we took care of, my brothers and I. Really takes me back, y’know. It’s nice.”

Mike grinned at her and nodded. “I know what you mean. We’d do the same.” Nanaba beamed at him. Levi bit his tongue. This time when Mike started to whistle again Nanaba hummed along with him, a little softer than the whistles, easier. _I liked it better when it was just him_.

Levi’s hands stilled in the water for a moment. _What the fuck?_

His hands balled into his fists and he lurched into action again, scrubbing more eagerly than necessary. It didn’t go unnoticed, but Mike didn’t comment on it. Slowly but surely the pile of dishes began to shrink on one side and grow on the other as Decker tried to keep up with him. It went well. And then Mike started to whistle a different tune. One that made Levi freeze and nearly drop the plate in his hands. Short low notes. He could almost hear the strum of the guitar behind them, soft, melancholy.

His whistling began to change, and Levi shuddered, sucked down a breath. It nagged at the back of his mind, her faint voice rising up, off-key and nearly crumbling into laughter as she swayed beside him. Farlan joining in right behind her. Them coaxing Levi into murmuring it along behind them. Water slopped across his front as Levi dropped the plate, and the whistling broke off as Mike glanced over. “Levi? Are you okay?”

“Where… where did you hear that?”

Mike raised an eyebrow, and then his face started to fall from confusion to understanding. “Isabel… she was singing it one day. Taught me.”

Levi nodded, wooden, and picked the plate up from the filthy water. Of course. Of course she had. She’d loved the song. It had been a downright depressing song, but she’d done her best to make it happy. She’d sung it in voices, from high-pitched nasally whines to low, quavering bass notes that she could just barely hit. _And I’d almost forgotten._

His stomach gave a vicious twist and he curled over the sink with a scowl. Grabbed the plate. Scrubbed. But there was no energy behind the motion. Nothing at all. _How could I forget that?_ But already the memories were going fuzzy on the edges. He couldn’t recall the exact shade of Farlan’s eyes or the precise pitch of Isabel’s laugh. He could remember how many times Farlan had raked his hands through his hair, but not which way had been the most common.

Levi ground his teeth together. _Don’t think about it._ And yet, somehow, even though Mike didn’t whistle it anymore it was harder. It was even worse with the weight of Mike’s stare on him. He couldn’t escape soon enough. Couldn’t flee to the courtyard quick enough. Isabel was waiting on him, her meows as loud as ever. He sank down behind the crates with a sigh. Wordlessly held his hand out for her to rub against as she purred, loud and clear. Determined to make up for the lack of attention, for the break in their routine. The peace lasted for all of five minutes before the door opened. Before the voice called out. “Levi?”

He pulled his legs tighter into his chest and stilled. Isabel didn’t. She bolted out from behind the crates with a happy meow and Mike laughed quietly. “Hey there, pretty girl. You’re getting pretty chubby - someone else feeding you, huh?”

Isabel meowed. _Don’t you fucking-_

Footsteps drew closer. Closer. “Where’re you going?” She meowed back. Trotted around the crates and rubbed up against Levi’s leg. Mike peeked around the crates with a smile that faded almost a moment later as he cocked his head. “Levi? Have you been feeding her?”

He scowled and turned his head away, pressed his fingers to the top of her head. Mike sank down beside him with a soft exhale and reached out. Isabel glanced at him, glanced back at Mike, and started to weave between them, purring so loud that Levi was almost afraid she’d purr herself to pieces. “I have too. She was really scrawny before. Shaping up nice now though.”

Levi grunted. Mike hummed. The cat settled down between them. Levi started to stroke her head. Mike scratched at her back. “I’m sorry about earlier. I wasn’t thinking. It was a beautiful song, and Isabel sang it well… so I learned it.”

“Yeah. She sang it good alright.”

Mike smiled faintly. Levi’s stomach flipped. _I don’t like this._ Mike was too close. Too talkative. It made him nervous. Made him want to inch away and flee back to the barracks, though in reality that wouldn’t have been much better. It wasn’t like Mike slept very far away. Too close, even in a room crowded with other people. Too close, even though he was further than Levi’s new bunkmate, a kid by the name of Peter. _I don’t like this._ He sighed, pressed his chin to his knee, and scratched a little further down Isabel’s neck. “What do you call her?”

Mike’s fingers stilled in her fur, uncertain, and he cocked his head to the side. “Nothing really. I haven’t thought to name her honestly.”

Levi snorted and shook his head. “You’ve been feeding her for how long and you haven’t named her? Jesus Christ.”

“Fine, what do _you_ call her?”

Levi bit the inside of his cheek. The spot was almost raw from how hard and how often he’d bitten it over the last few weeks. He let out a shuddering breath. “... Isabel. I call her Isabel.”

Mike nodded, solemn. They didn’t say another word for the rest of the time they were there, slowly petting the cat. Didn’t say a word when they rose and walked side by side to the barracks. But it felt just the slightest bit easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HMU at fairylights101 or fairylights101writes on tumblr
> 
> Leave feedback, that helps you get updates
> 
> Thanks for reading and have some wonderful holidays.


	7. Chapter 7

Levi chewed on the side of his thumb, the action far more comforting than it should have been. It was nice to hear Mike breathe softly in the quiet of the room. To hear the pages rustle as he flicked through them. To hear the scratch of his pen as he scrawled across the pages, quick and efficient. Certainly quicker than Levi.  _ He’s had more practice though. _ Levi sighed and pushed his hand through his hair as he sagged back into his chair, pen loose in his fingers.  _ That doesn’t mean this isn’t the damndest fucking thing I’ve ever done. This sucks. _

“At least this is all we have. Compared to how much I’m going to have after the next expedition… Price of being Squad Leader.” Levi glanced up. Mike smiled faintly at him before he glanced back at his papers. “You’ll probably be promoted too.” 

“So soon?” 

“You rise ranks quick in the Survey Corps.” 

Levi snorted and nodded. Not terribly surprising considering the mortality rates he’d once heard be listed off. The Corps certainly weren’t the place to be if you wanted to live longer than a year. Good for anyone with nothing though. That or the desperate. Or, as he’d quickly come to realize, those who were strange, eccentric, or had grand ideals that would likely never be realized. 

Everyone wanted to be the strongest, to be the one who found some even greater flaw in the titans than the napes of their necks. Something that would mean they could kill the titans without endangering more and more people.  _ I think we’ll die out before that happens. _ But Levi bit back his cynicism every time. Focused on training harder. On what he had to live for. Not much, but the taste of fresh air untainted by garbage and shit was as good as any.  _ I’ll take it. _

He scrawled a few more notes onto the sheet in front of him and set it into the ever-growing stack on his right. Reached for another sheet. “How come none of you have blown your brains out over this shit?” 

Mike snorted quietly, scratched out a few lines before he glanced up at Levi. “Because we’re masochistic.” 

“Certainly fucking seems like it,” he grumbled. He sighed. Pressed his fingers to his forehead. A headache had started to bud in the base of his skull hours before and it had grown steadily. It made it hard to focus, harder to care whether or not he was doing a decent job or not. Levi sighed. Mike finished his page and looked up, cleared his throat. 

“Do you want some tea?” 

“Yeah.” Mike dipped his head in a nod and rose. He was gone a moment later, the door closing with a quiet click. The silence was unnerving. Strange after listening to Mike’s soft little sounds after so long.  _ It shouldn’t be possible to miss something you just got used to. _ But it was, and it was strange. Confusing. Levi wasn’t entirely sure if he liked it or not. Wasn’t sure if he regretted allowing Mike to work with him or not. Because it had been nice, but it left him uncert tearing beneath his teeth as he glared at the report.  _ This is so stupid. _

The paperwork had been the one thing he hadn’t really anticipated about the Survey Corps, and it was infuriating. He’d read his fair share in the underground, even more with Isabel in their late evenings in the courtyard, but nothing was quite as dry or as infuriating as the damn reports were. They were enough that he almost wished he’d been devoured by a titan so that he wouldn’t have had to deal with the bullshit that it was. But it could have been worse. He could have been alone. Not too long ago he would have preferred that, but being able to glance up and see Mike hunched over a stack of his own was comforting in ways he didn’t quite understand. And he didn’t like not understanding.  _ Fucking hell. _

Levi stretched out, limbs and muscles aching from sitting still for so long. He shifted. Glanced at the door.  _ When’s he coming back? _ He yawned and stretched again. It was warm in the room. He hadn’t slept well in three, maybe four days - he’d probably slept ten, possibly fifteen hours total. 

Levi yawned again and glanced back at the door.  _ A little nap won’t hurt. Just until he gets back. _  It didn’t matter if Mike saw him sleeping - he’d caught more than a few yawns and droopy eyes from Mike too.  _ Besides, it’s paperwork. Not life or death shit here.  _ He pushed his papers and ink to the side and settled down, head nestled into his arms, and sighed quietly. Let his eyes close as sunlight warmed his back and made him melt into the table. 

_ Hurry back, you stupid mutt.  _

There was a hand in his hair. That was the first thing he realized. Then the size. Massive fingers that were warm, so warm that Levi nearly buried his face back into his arms and fell asleep again. But he managed to blink and raise his head slowly, the world a little fuzzy. Mike’s face softened a little, his lips twitched into a smile. “Sorry,” he whispered, “I didn’t want to wake you, but the tea’s getting cold.” 

Levi grunted quietly and sat up, reached out for the still-steaming cup in front of him. Mike’s hand left his hair and he returned to his spot as Levi drank deep. Deep enough that he finished the first cup in a few moment and reached for the pot to make a second. After his third cup his tongue finally felt loose enough to speak, and Levi glanced up at Mike. “Why were you touching my head?” 

Mike shrugged. Bastard didn’t even look sheepish. “I just wanted to see if your hair was soft.” 

“... And?” 

Mike smiled faintly. “It is.” 

Levi rolled his eyes and pulled his paperwork back towards him. He could only hope that the way he dropped his head hid the strange faint heat that filled his cheeks. Or that the way he shifted wouldn’t give away the way his stomach twisted and flipped in confusing ways.  _ I’m going to punch him. He must be making me sick. _

But sickness wouldn’t explain the strange longing Levi felt. The need to have Mike’s hand tangled in his hair, rubbing his scalp in gentle circles like the ones that had roused him.  _ What the fuck. _


	8. Chapter 8

The expedition came far too soon. And Levi hadn’t realized how numb he would get when the fighting started. How little he would feel. In his first expedition he’d felt everything. Everything had been crashing in, overwhelming him until he’d found Isabel and Farlan. 

And then everything had cut out. He hadn’t expected it again. Hadn’t expected to see the titans and feel a cold wash of numb, stifling. He hadn’t expected to drown in it so easily. To be pulled under so quickly. Sounds and noises had faded away, left him with reflexes as he’d soared through the air on those metal wings and brought death crashing down. 

One titan, two titans, three titans. 

He’d lost count at fifteen solos. Lost count at six assists. He hadn’t even cared that he’d fought beside Mike, their movements a little clumsy, but still precise and clear. Everything they’d needed to know had been consolidated to a nod and a jerk and together they’d brought down five titans. Humanity’s Strongest Soldiers. The tiny thug and the giant blond mutt. They’d both made it out uninjured. 

Some of their comrades hadn’t been so lucky. 

But they’d made it through the first night, and the second, and and returned on the third day. One of the more successful expeditions despite the carts laden with bodies and injured. The townsfolk had been surprised to see them. Not that Levi could truly blame them. 

But even after turning away from titan-infested territory, even after over half a day since the final battle, he still couldn’t feel anything. Everything had been washed away. He felt numb. Cold. Hollow. 

Everything ached, but in the vaguest sense. Like it was disconnected to his body, and he couldn’t quite feel it. Levi flexed his hands. Stared at them. Rough with callouses, lined with scars from practice with blades, both from his youth and from training. He curled them into fists, but they were loose, weak. There was no anger in his stomach. There was nothing. He felt… empty. And it should have terrified him, but all he felt was chilling apathy that rooted him to his bunk, back pressed to the wall. 

The barracks were empty. It was midday. Those who weren’t injured were out in the town, trying to drink their worries and sorrows away. Preparing for the vigil the next night. Levi’s hands curled.  _ What is there for me to even drink away? Nothing. I don’t give a damn. Not that I could do it if I wanted to anyways. _

His hands tightened slightly before he dropped them into his lap. Let his head fall back against the wall.  _ Does anyone else feel like this? Hollow? Dead? _ Because living didn’t describe it right. He felt like a corpse somehow still capable of movement and thought. He could breathe. He could eat. He could think. But he didn’t care. He didn’t want it. He merely wanted to lie down and sleep, but even that wouldn’t come. The ache kept him awake. And he wasn’t sure what it meant. Or how long he could take it. A wry smile curled his lips.  _ Hell. _

A door opened, closed. 

He almost didn’t bother to look, but a flash of blond made him. Mike strode through the barracks, his head held high, a scratch on his cheek, and his shoulders squared. On a mission. He had a purpose. And he left just as quick as he’d come.  _ Bastard. _ But even that had no spark of jealousy or anger.  _ Only a corpse doesn’t feel. Maybe I’m finally there. Looks like Kenny’s lessons finally took. Don’t feel anything and you won’t care if you live or die. _ A shudder rippled down Levi’s spine. 

_ I do care. _

Because if he died then no one would remember Isabel and Farlan. No one would recall the way they’d laughed and played in their lighter moments. No one would remember the time where Levi had been stabbed and nearly gutted, and they’d practically had to carry him as he’d kept his organs inside him until they’d reached a doctor who could sew him up. No one would remember all the crazy shit they’d done. The time when Isabel had found a dog and had snuck it in, though Levi had managed to convince her that a dog wasn’t a good idea for them. When Farlan had put his tea leaves on the highest shelf and laughed as Levi had been forced to scale cabinets to get to them. 

Nothing would remain of them. 

_ I want to feel alive _ . 

Levi nearly fell face-first off the top bunk, but he managed not to, and he darted after Mike, heart pounding in his chest. The quickest it’d been since they’d rode out beneath those heavy, impenetrable gates.  _ Mike _ . He darted through the halls, steps quick. Down one hall, down another. He spotted a flash of blond. Darted after it. Turned the corner before Mike was halfway down the hall. Stormed after him and caught him before he could take five steps. 

Levi wrapped his hand around one of Mike’s steps and jerked. He stumbled forward as Mike staggered to a stop and glanced back. He refused to look up, to see those confused blue eyes, that puppyish face. He wasn’t entirely sure what would happen because, right then, clinging to Mike like some damn infant, he felt  _ fragile _ . Like he was going to shatter any second, and there would be no hope of picking up the pieces and putting them together in some coherent form again. And it scared him. It genuinely terrified him, and for once he didn’t know how to handle it. 

“Levi?” 

His fingers tightened on Mike’s strap. He couldn’t let go. Not even if he wanted to. Because, for some insane reason, Mike was grounding. Touching him made everything steady from the blur it had been. Made things sink into place and made the cold ache fade ever so slightly so he could suck down a breath. Warm fingers wrapped around his wrist as Mike turned, just a little. 

“Levi, are you alright?” 

_ How do you do it? How do you stay so calm? How come you seem alright? _ Because all Levi could see was Isabel’s head roll, her blank eyes on him. Accusing. Farlan, sad and weary and hopeless, as he raised his hand a defeated wave. Death. All around him. Suffocating. Stifling.  _ I want to feel alive. Like I’m still a part of this world. _ Because there were ghosts hanging on his shoulders, weighing him down, and he hadn’t realized just how hard it was to raise his head high above that murky black until he almost couldn’t do it. 

He slowly managed to raise his head. Managed to meet Mike’s gaze as he sucked down a shuddering breath. His blue eyes were wide. Thin lips parted, ready for another question that Levi didn’t want to hear. “”Fuck me you giant mutt. I wanna feel alive.”

Mike’s eyes widened a hair. His grip on Levi’s wrist tightened for a moment, and then it loosened again. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this (￣▽￣)ノ
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked it! That'll encourage a quicker update.


	9. Chapter 9

Not all soldiers slept in the barracks. A few higher-ranking ones, like Erwin, had rooms of their own. Mike led Levi to one of those rooms, unoccupied. Levi could’ve cared less if someone had been sitting in the room or not. He was just tired. Aching. Desperate to feel. Mike shut the door, locked it. Rummaged through the drawers, still full of the previous occupant’s things, and produced a bottle of oil. He turned around. 

“So how do you-” 

“I don’t care.” 

Mike nodded. Levi bit his tongue, started to fumble with his buttons. The only good thing about being post-expedition was that they had no need to wear their gear. No danger of titans within the walls after all. Mike set the bottle down and started to strip too, slower than Levi. So slow that after Levi had kicked his things aside, too weary to care, he strode over to Mike and grabbed him by the belt loops. Jerked in him. Reached up and fisted his hair in his hand and dragged Mike down until his breath washed over him, warm and soft. 

Hunger gnawed at Levi’s belly, so sharp and sudden that he nearly gasped. Instead he smiled faintly. “You take too long.” 

He crushed their mouths together with a grunt that Mike echoed. Levi licked at his lips and Mike parted them easily as his huge hands drifted up. One settled on his hip, grip tight, the other on his cheek, soft. He was  _ warm _ . And Levi shuddered beneath his touch as that warmth seeped in, curled tight inside him, and Levi pressed closer. 

_ More _ . 

He dropped his hand from Mike’s hair and dragged it down his back instead, scoring harsh red lines as he gasped into Mike’s mouth, tongues sliding together. The hand in his hair tugged gently, the one on his hip squeezed. He slipped his fingers into the waistband of Mike’s pants. 

_ I want more _ . 

He wanted to be greedy, wanted to drown in everything Mike had to offer. And the blond didn’t stop him. Just kissed him harder until Levi pushed back, panting lightly and cheeks flushed. Mike smiled. Levi just undid his pants and tugged on them wordlessly until Mike rolled his eyes teasingly and stripped out of them, leaving them both naked. 

And Levi stilled.  _ What am I doing? I thought I hated him. _ But everything swirling in his head suddenly didn’t make sense. The anger he’d felt towards Mike for so long felt hollow, misplaced. And he couldn’t understand it or the change. 

Didn’t have time to because Mike’s hands settled on his hips, pulled him tight against Mike’s huge body. His hard cock. That snapped Levi back and he twisted around, raised an eyebrow. “Gonna take all day?” 

Mike raised an eyebrow. Smiled. “Get on the bed, Levi. On your stomach.” 

He flicked his hand at Mike but dropped on the bed and rolled over. Kept his eyes on Mike as he poured some oil on his fingers and coated them thoroughly.  _ Thank God. _ The bed dipped beneath his weight and Levi hitched his ass up, eager, but Mike laughed and pushed him back down. “Not yet.” 

Whiskery lips brushed across the nape of his neck and Levi sucked down a harsh breath. Mike smiled against his neck and pressed a feathery kiss to the other side. Gentle. It made Levi’s gut twist. A slick hand settled on his ass and Mike’s fingers circled his entrance, teasing, and the bastard laughed when Levi whimpered and rocked back against his hand.  _ I want more. _ The rasp of Mike’s stubble made him shiver as Mike kissed his way down Levi’s spine, far slower and softer than Levi had ever expected him to be. It made him melt, made the heat in his belly grow, ravenous. 

“Mike-” 

“Levi.” His lips clamped shut. He could just barely see Mike from the corner of his eyes, his eyes soft, his mouth curved into a smile. “I’m here. You’re here.” 

It was a long moment before Levi inhaled and nodded, even longer before Mike began to move again. This time he pressed a thick finger into Levi, and he gasped, twitched beneath him. Mike was slow, careful, eased it in one centimeter at a time until his oily palm cupped Levi’s ass, his finger deep inside. Levi’s hips rocked up. Mike chuckled. Started to move. 

Levi bit back a gasp when Mike curled his finger as he slowly pulled it out, teased his entrance again before he pushed back in. His other fingers rubbed along his ass, down to just beneath his balls, and Levi trembled as he started to rub and slowly thrust them together. Mike kissed at the base of his spine, curled his finger and dragged it along Levi’s insides until he shook and fisted his hands into the sheets. 

“Faster,” he rasped quietly, and Mike smiled against his skin - but a moment later he obliged him, finger sliding out faster, sinking deeper. Levi trembled beneath him as the pleasure started to sneak up his spine, hot and quick. Quicker when Mike curled a second slick finger against his ass and slowly pressed it in. It burned enough that Levi gasped, but when Mike stilled he rocked back against it. 

“More,” he whispered. Mike nodded, just barely visible. Gave it to him. The blond soldier spread his fingers, curled them as he slid them out, prodded and rubbed until Levi moaned quietly. That made him smile against Levi’s back. He smiled even wider when Levi let go, finally allowed himself to rock back against Mike’s hand with soft little gasps. “Finally,” Levi grunted when Mike pressed a third finger to his entrance. 

“Impatient much,” Mike laughed back. Levi just shook his head and rocked back until Mike pressed it in, and Levi whimpered at the pain, louder than before. But he welcomed it. It felt good. The ache of every move that slowly faded away, the pleasure that rippled up his spine when Mike curled his fingers against his prostate in a way that made Levi jolt, the heat in his belly - it meant he was  _ alive _ . And Levi wanted  _ more _ . He had to urge Mike to hurry, to pull his fingers out and wipe them off and coat his cock as he raised his ass higher, pressed his cheek to the pillow to watch as Mike settled behind him, hands on his hips. 

“You sure about this?” 

“Just fuck me.” 

Mike’s grip on his hips was tight, his push slow. The stretch of his fingers had been enough, and it was easy to take Mike. Left him feeling full, blissfully so, and Levi sagged into the bed with a quiet sound. He was warm, but even warmer when he draped himself across Levi’s back and pressed his lips to the back of his neck. His lips moved, but no words left. Part of Levi wanted to know. Part of Levi was afraid to know. He rocked back against Mike rather than ask, and the blond hummed quietly. “I know.” 

Levi curled his fingers tight into his pillow, took a deep breath as Mike began to move.  _ Fuck _ . He felt slow, a little awkward, but his hands were huge on Levi’s hips, made him feel small. Almost cared for in a strange way. And he kind of liked it. It made it easier to melt into the sheets as Mike built up a rhythm, slow and gentle. 

But his fingers wandered around Levi, left hot trails on his skin that left him shaking. One tweaked a nipple until he gasped, and Mike laughed, low and rich, something that shouldn’t have made Levi’s stomach twist so much. It didn’t take long for Mike to start hitting his prostate with those damnably slow thrusts, and after a few more his hand slipped down, cupped Levi’s cock and started to thumb the head. 

Levi tossed his head back, gasped and let out a loud moan before he buried his face into the pillow, cheeks burning hot and body throbbing with pleasure. Mike fucked him at a maddeningly slow pace that made Levi want to flip over and hook his ankles around him and pull him in harder and faster - except the way it was he could feel  _ everything _ . 

Every pulse of his heart, every rasp of Mike’s fingers as they slid along his cock, thumbed the slit, squeezed, every panted breath against his back. And it made him tremble and come apart that much quicker as the pleasure and warmth in his belly doubled, tripled, grew hotter and hotter. 

He came with a quiet cry into Mike’s hand, hands fisted tight into the sheets as he buried his sounds into the pillow. His entire body shook and burned, twitching with ecstasy and heat and  _ life _ . And Levi had to bite his tongue to hold back tears as Mike continued to thrust for a minute more before he came to with a quiet grunt.

He thumbed Levi’s hips and eased him down when he pulled out, and Levi mumbled into the pillow, muffled, and Mike laughed. Levi raised his head, glanced back. Mike had settled at the foot of the bed, legs crossed and face soft. Easy. An expression Levi hadn’t seen before, but one that made his stomach twist strangely as he scrambled for words, for thought.  _ Oh. He’s really handsome. _

His cheeks somehow filled with even more heat, and Levi buried his face into the pillow once more. He pushed it aside a moment later. Mumbled again, this time clearer. “You fuck much? That was  _ slow _ .” 

“Well, yeah.” He sounded like he was about to laugh, his voice still soft in ways that made Levi shiver. “Though normally I’m the one  _ getting _ fucked.” 

Levi inhaled. Exhaled. Sat up and twisted around, eyebrows furrowed as he stared at Mike. The blond grinned at him, puppyish, and Levi took another deep breath. “What?” 

Mike shrugged, smile easy. “I like it on the bottom more.” 

Levi nodded. Swished words in his mouth. Mulled over it for a long moment. And then he rose up onto his hands and knees and crawled over until he straddled Mike’s waist. Levi curled his fingers under Mike’s chin, smiled as he pressed their mouths together. 

“Well,” he whispered, “I guess I can do that too.” 

Mike smiled. “I’d like that”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments if you enjoyed (￣▽￣)ノ


	10. Chapter 10

Mike was easy enough to push down - he went willingly, and when Levi settled overtop him, tugging on his hair and kissing him roughly, Mike grinned into his mouth, settled his huge hands on Levi’s back. The ridiculousness of the situation wasn’t lost on Levi - it was like one of those little rat dogs trying to fuck a mastiff, but he’d left any fuck he had to give behind hours before. He just kissed Mike harder, bit at his lips, his tongue, moved down. Levi sucked hickies into his shoulders, bit at his nipples until Mike whimpered quietly, and moved down further, quick.

He slicked one hand up and pressed it to Mike’s ass, two fingers against his entrance. “This good to start?” Mike nodded, chest hitching, and Levi smiled faintly. He worked them in and Mike’s back arched up with a soft moan that made Levi’s gut twist, left him breathless.

_I want more._

He wanted to drink in the way Mike’s face twitched, pleasure clear all across it, as his cheeks flushed and he bit his lips until they were red as Levi pressed his fingers deeper and curled them, thrust them quickly. Wanted to burn the sound of his gasps and whimpers into his mind as he thumbed the bottom of Mike’s balls. _More_. He pressed his fingers deeper and Mike jolted, back bowing off the bed, as he rutted down into Levi’s hand with a low cry. “L-Levi!”

The soldier smiled, pressed his fingers back to the spot and curled his fingers. Mike’s pretty blue eyes clamped shut as he threw an arm over his face, muffled the loud moans that poured from his lips. Levi immediately pulled his fingers out and teased them around his entrance, and Mike whimpered quietly. It took him a moment to pry his arm away from his face, cheeks burning and eyes hazy.

“Levi?”

“Don’t hide your face,” he growled. Mike blinked at him. Levi circled his fingers around Mike’s entrance as he nodded at him. “Don’t hide your face from me. I wanna see. I wanna hear. Understood?”

Mike held his gaze for a long moment before he nodded and dropped his arm, settled it above his head, fingers tangled into his hair. With a faint smile Levi pressed his fingers back in, and Mike pressed his head back into the bed with a soft sigh. “Feels good…”

“Good.”

He curled his fingers again, pressed his lips to the inside of Mike’s thigh. His chest hitched with a gasp, heavier than the rest, and Levi smiled. The muscles beneath his lips quivered, and he opened his mouth. He peppered open-mouthed kisses along his thigh with every thrust and curl of his fingers, bit and sucked as he quickly worked Mike until he was trembling, gasping, clawing at the sheets and rocking his hips against Levi’s hand, harder when he pressed a third finger in. And Levi could only smile and bite harder into the inside of Mike’s thigh, the heat in his stomach blistering. Blood rushed in his ears. Left him dizzy. His world had shrunk down to Mike, to the way his lips parted and half-formed words, the way his cheeks just darkened and darkened until it seemed like they couldn’t get any darker, how his blue eyes were hazy, wide.

One hand dropped down, tangled into Levi’s hair and tugged. Levi sucked harder, grinned at the broken moan that Mike let out. He didn’t actually realize Mike was trying to push him off for a moment, and Levi pulled back, panting quietly as he wiped his hands on the sheets. Mike gasped heavily, his eyes lidded, lips bitten raw. “Trying to make me cum… before we do anything?” he gasped quietly.

Levi smirked. “That wasn’t my intention… but is it a problem?” Mike huffed at him and shook his head, and Levi’s smirk stretched a little wider before it fell away. He snatched up the bottle of oil and slicked himself up, then settled behind Mike.

“Gimme a pillow.” Mike tossed one at him and, when Levi prodded him, he obediently hitched his hips up so Levi could shove it under him. It helped a little - not much, but enough that Levi could line himself up and press against his ass without too much difficulty. Levi grabbed one of Mike’s legs and pushed it up, curled his hand underneath Mike’s knee and squeezed it.

“You ready?”

“Of course,” Mike shot back with an eyeroll.

Levi tightened his grip on Mike’s leg fractionally before he jerked his head in a nod and pressed in. Mike exhaled with it, a slight grimace tugging at his lips, but it faded when Levi reached between his legs and thumbed the tip of his cock. It distracted Mike enough that Levi could press against him, nip at the inside of his leg. Blue eyes cracked open. Mike smiled. Levi felt his cheeks burn and he twisted, buried his face into the inside of Mike’s leg with a huff as he laid an open-mouthed kiss there. “Don’t get embarrassed now,” Mike teased quietly.

“Shut up,” Levi grumbled back.

The blond only smiled and shrugged. And then he rolled his hips against Levi. “C’mon.”

Levi bit his lip, turned his face back to Mike and nodded. Tightened his grip. “How do you like it?”

Fingers brushed across his wrist and Mike tugged Levi’s hand off his cock, pressed it to his hip. “Good.” Levi snorted. _Of course._ But he slid back until he was almost out and bared his teeth in some feral smile. He snapped his hips back in and the soft groan that left Mike made Levi’s hands shake. _More._ The fire in his belly was ravenous, and he threw all caution to the wind as he thrust into Mike, harder and faster than the blond had.

And he seemed to love it, face screwed up with pleasure. One of his hands was tangled into the sheets, clutching tighter with every thrust, and the other was splayed on his stomach, curled with the tips of Levi’s fingers. He looked as good as he felt, hot and a little tight, and Levi didn’t try to hold back. Not with Mike’s cries of his name in his ear as he thrusted, changed his angle. Not with the way his back arched up and he sobbed out a _“God, yes”_ when Levi found his prostate.

Levi just smiled and breathlessly pressed kissed into the side of his leg. Slid their fingers together and clutched his hand tight. Thrust harder, filling the room with the slap of skin and Mike’s beautiful sounds as the heat in his stomach and the pleasure that raced up his spine and set his nerves on fire threatened to tip him over.

“Mike,” he breathed into his skin, and Mike whimpered loudly in return. His eyes cracked open, his fingers tightened. Lips formed words, but none came out. Just a low keen as Mike’s body twitched and went loose as he came all over his stomach. Levi’s mouth was dry as he leaned over Mike, rolling his hips against him and gasping.

Eyes on Mike, on his wet parted lips and his mussed hair and those glassy eyes, Levi came, body shaking and burning, fingers digging into Mike’s thigh as he gasped out Mike’s name. He sagged against the blond after a moment, twitching and trembling, and pressed his cheek to Mike’s thigh as it settled over his shoulder. Only their gasps broke the silence for a long moment, and then a huff of laughter. “We probably look ridiculous,” Mike murmured.

Levi slapped his thigh, a scowl on his lips, and Mike just grinned at him. Levi pulled out, grabbed the rumpled top sheet and mopped the cum away before he planted himself on Mike’s stomach. Crossed his arms. “You’re the one who wanted to get fucked.”

He hadn’t expected Mike to reach up. Hadn’t expected his fingers to be so warm and gentle as he stroked Levi’s sweaty hair back. Or the way he pulled him down and draped an arm over him, loose. A nose burrowed into his hair and Mike sniffed. Smiled against his head. “I’m not complaining,” he murmured.

Levi’s cheeks were burning as he buried them into Mike’s chest with a muffled sound. “Shut up.” _Don’t._


	11. Chapter 11

It was dark. Levi couldn’t see. Couldn’t _breathe_ . _What have I done?_ He’d fucked Mike, that’s what he’d done. Chased after his warm and kindness in some desperate attempt to feel alive, and he’d fucked up. _I was supposed to hate you._ He was supposed to hate them all - Nanaba, Hanji, Moblit, Erwin.

_Mike._

Because they were part of what had killed Isabel and Farlan. Part of what had trapped him in a life and, wings or not, he felt caged. But especially Mike and Erwin because they were a part of it. And yet when he looked down, strained his eyes to peer through the dark to where Mike lay, just barely visible, the wrench he felt wasn’t hate. It was something he didn’t understand. Levi curled his hand against his chest, sucked down a breathe. _What’s going on?_

He glanced to the door, back to Mike. Reached out. Froze with his hand hovering over Mike’s shoulder, shaking slightly. _Why? Why am I reaching to you? What the fuck could you do?_

Explanations, but the thought of that didn’t fit right. Instead a fresh memory clawed its way to the surface; the way Levi had woken. Warm and drowsy, a thick arm draped over his chest and pulling him close. Making him feel something he hadn’t felt in years. Secure. Safe. Content. And it terrified Levi.

He bit his lip, pulled his limbs in closer when Mike shifted and bumped against him with a soft sound. Levi glanced back at him, watched as Mike’s face twitched. As his lips parted and he let out a quiet sigh, the hint of a name on it.

_Don’t. Don’t say my name._

But he didn’t know why it hurt so much, or why he wanted to hear it even more. It wasn’t like he hadn’t heard it enough - Mike had seemed to say nothing _but_ his name in the last twelve hours, coming out in choked gasps and breathless pants and low moans and a dozen other ways. But something about him breathing Levi’s name into the pillow made chills race up his spine as he stared, watched as moonlight softened Mike’s face. In the light he could’ve passed for early twenties. Someone young, someone who hadn’t seen the horrors beyond the walls. Who had a life and a family and a future.

_And all I’ve had is the filth I’m from. That I’ll eventually return to._

Levi’s hands curled on his thighs. Went slack a second later. There was no anger. Only confusion and the anxiety that gnawed at his stomach, threatened to drive him mad. _What can I do? What_ should _I do? Act like nothing happened? Like this was just some casual affair?_ He wasn’t sure if he could. It had felt like anything but with the way Mike had kissed him soft and sweet, or the way Levi had sought for Mike’s pleasure than his own. How startlingly intimate the whole affair had felt.

Levi pressed his hands to his face and drew in a shuddering breath. _I’m an idiot._ An idiot for doing something he regretted, and a bigger idiot for hating that he regretted it. Or maybe an idiot because it wasn’t that he regretted it - it was why. He dragged his hands down his face. Breathed.

_I have to go._

He couldn’t stay. Not with the warm body that lay stretched out beside him. Not with Mike’s rhythmic breaths and soft snores in his ear. They threatened to lure him back in, coaxed him to settle back down, tug the sheet up, and pull Mike’s arm back over him as he pressed close. _I can’t._ Levi bit his tongue. Eased out of the bed, wincing at every rustle and every creak. The floor was cool beneath his feet, but not bad.

It wasn’t hard to find his uniform - thankfully he’d moved them closer to the bed, folded neatly on top of the desk. He tugged his underwear and pants on with a grimace. The clothes were dirty, but he was positively filthy in comparison, covered in dry cum and sweat and spit, but the notion was still gross. _I want a bath. A long, hot bath to burn this all away._ He slipped his shirt on, buttoned it up with swift movements, blind. His shoes came next, crammed on with no flair. He straightened up.

Warm fingers curled around his wrist and Levi jolted, whipped around. Mike’s face was almost completely in shadows, but Levi could just barely see an open eye. _Are you confused? Are you mad?_ “Levi? Levi… what’re you doin’?”

Levi weakly tugged against Mike’s grasp as he scrambled for words that were slick and refused to come. He found some after a long moment, choked them out in a soft voice. “I’m going.”

“Where?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Because Mike didn’t need to know. They were nothing to each other. And that meant that he could leave and Mike had no grounds to complain. But the thought made his chest tighten, left him breathless as Mike’s fingers twitched. _What’re you going to do?_ When Mike failed to answer after a long moment Levi turned, tugged against Mike’s grip.

"Stay."

His voice was so soft that it froze Levi in place, made him shake and lose his breath all over again. Levi glanced back at Mike, who squeezed his wrist a little tighter. He shook his head, pulled his hand away and tucked it into his chest. Tried to force the tightness in his ribs and the churning in his stomach to stop.

"I can't." _I'm scared._

His hand curled, pressed his nails into his chest, and he let out a shuddering breath as he inched away. Strode to the door. He stilled with his hand on the knob. Uncertain. _Don’t say anything. Please._ Because he wasn’t entirely sure he had the willpower to not go back over, undress, and crawl back into the bed if Mike said anything. Just one word and Levi would sprint back and vault in.

But Mike didn’t say anything.

And something in Levi crumbled a little as he opened the door and slipped out into the dark, deserted hall. He closed the door with a soft cick. Took one breath. Two. Shuddered on the exhales. Pressed his back to the door. Something hit his thigh, warm wetness seeped through. Slowly Levi brought a hand to his face. Ceased to breathe when tears coated his fingers, hot and thick.

_Why? Why am I crying over you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I kind of forgot to update this??? rip i'm sorry guys ;;;


	12. Chapter 12

“Levi.”

His heart lurched, his stomach twisted, and Levi’s hands clutched the sponge tighter. He resolutely refused to look behind him, focused on scrubbing the floor a little harder. Blood had stained the stone, leftover from when they’d brought the injured in, and it was just one task on a lengthy list of things to clean. He had no time to talk. Absolutely none. That was what he tried to tell himself anyways.

“Levi,” Mike said again, voice a little softer, “I know you’re listening.”

“Shut up,” he snapped back, “I’m busy. Maybe you should go do your own shit too.” _So that I don’t have to remember what a chicken shit I am._

Three days since he and Mike had fucked. Three days since he’d slipped away in the dark like a coward. Three days since he’d said a word to Mike. He’d spent the rest of those hours avoiding him, ignoring him when he called out. Because his head spun with everything, left him sick and confused. _I wish I could ask Farlan. He’d know._ But Farlan was dead, and he wasn’t about to ask Hanji or Erwin or even one of the recruits. Mike sighed.

Footsteps made Levi twitch, made him tense as they drew closer. Mike sank down onto the floor a few inches from the bloodstain. Levi could see his boots and long legs no matter how far down he looked. He scrubbed for a few seconds more before he sank back onto his toes, dropped the sponge into a bucket of soapy water, and turned a glare onto Mike. The blond didn’t flinch. “What?” Levi grunted.

“Did I do something wrong?” Mike whispered. Emotions flickered across his face, clear enough for even a fool like Levi to see them. Uncertainty. Worry.

Levi bit his tongue, fought down everything that urged him to reach out and cup Mike’s cheeks and kiss away those doubts. Or to wrap Mike up in a tight hug. To push him to the floor and lay on top of him like a cat, like he belonged there. Like he had on that night, the memory of it hazy with sleep, fuzzy with contentment. It was a ridiculous notion - but also too tempting to be good for him. He swallowed hard. “No.”

“Then why?”

No need to specify - they both knew. The gap Levi had forced between them was anything but unnoticeable. It had been idiotic to hope that Mike wouldn’t comment, wouldn’t care. Downright foolish to think that he would just let that distance remain without trying to cross it someday, somehow.

“It was a casual fuck Mike.”

_No it wasn’t._

Because saying those words left him breathless from the ache that came with. Because Mike had been on his mind every damn second of the last few days. It didn’t matter how, just that he had been there. Mike smiling. Mike laughing. Mike kissing him like he wasn’t scarred and broken and fucked up beyond repair. Like he was alive when all he’d felt was _dead_ . Mike in battle, flying through the air, seeming like nothing could ever touch him or hurt him. Making Levi crave _more, more, more_ because he was selfish and wanted it all. Because his heart felt light and head felt fuzzy when he was around him. Because - _oh shit._

Levi managed to keep his mouth closed, but it was more of a struggle to keep his face smooth, emotionless. To not leap up and sprint away because _no, no, no, this_ can’t _be happening._ But it was. Had been. Had been in the making since they’d met, and yet Levi had been blindsided like a fool because emotions were things best left alone and locked away, inaccessible to himself and to others. And Mike had shattered that.

His hands curled against his thighs. He chanced a glance at Mike again. There was pain in his red-rimmed eyes that made Levi crumble fast. Faster than he ever had before. His hands moved, uncontrollable, reaching out for Mike. To take his hands, to touch his face, to trail across him. To snatch those words back from the space between them and cram them away, replace them with others. With “I was scared” or “I didn’t know what to do” or _something_. Anything would have been better.

But before he could do anything Mike dipped his head in a slight nod and rose, movements stiff. “Alright. Thanks. Glad I could help.” Too flat, even for Mike. His steps were quick. Yet he didn’t slam the door, just shut it as quietly as he had when he’d entered.

Levi swallowed hard. Hunched in on himself and pressed his water-wrinkled hands to his chest with a shuddering breath. _What had I done?_ He’d fucked up. Not terribly surprising considering his track record, but it left him shaking with an anger he hadn’t felt since Isabel and Farlan had died. _I wish you were here. Maybe you could’ve beaten some sense into me._

But they weren’t. They were dust in the wind - literally. Bodies, what had remained anyways, had been burned, and the wind had snatched them away. Not that he could’ve known which bits of ash were them in that mass pyre. They’d been burned and he’d been left alone. And he’d forced away the one person who had slipped through despite his best efforts, despite everything he’d tried. _He’ll hate me. I’m sure he will. He’d be an idiot not to. I would too. Not that I don’t already. Mike… son of a bitch._

Levi rose slowly, the bloodstain still painfully evident in the floor. He left it. Left the bucket sitting beside it. Left it all behind as he slowly turned around and walked out, numb with the reality of what he’d done. By the time he’d reached the stables he’d forced it all down, pressed it into a box. Taken a deep breath. Forced himself to go blank as he cleaned his horse. Tried to force himself to let go of everything Mike had brought him. _I can’t._


	13. Chapter 13

The dining hall was dark except for the candle Levi had lit, an orange bloom that wavered against the black. Everyone else had crawled into their bunks hours and hours before, but Levi had remained. He couldn’t sleep. Wouldn’t be able to. His insomnia had only worsened after Mike had spoken to him nearly two weeks before, and it showed no signs of improving.

And the emotions he harbored towards Mike showed no signs of fading, much to his frustration. He couldn’t drown them away in a wash of alcohol. Couldn’t fuck someone else to forget - the very thought made him nauseous. Almost as much as seeing the bags beneath Mike’s eyes grow made him sick, or how whenever Mike got remotely close to someone else Levi wanted nothing more than to shove them aside and take their place.

He knew where Mike’s bunk was in the barracks. Knew the path by heart. He’d never wanted to walk to something so badly, but the thought was on his mind constantly as he lay awake, staring at the ceiling and listening to the other soldiers breathing and snoring. So it was better if he stayed away when he couldn’t sleep. Because Levi knew that one night he would be too weak, and it would be far too easy to slink out of his bunk and pad through the lanes of beds until he reached Mike’s. Until he crawled into Mike’s bed, doubtlessly waking him, and silence him with a kiss, a touch. _Fuck._

Levi’s fingers tightened on his cup and after a moment he sipped at his tea. Drained the cup. Poured himself another cup and dropped a few leaves into a strainer. Watched the color shift to brown and darken as he sank back into the chair with a quiet sigh.

A door opened up with a scrape and Levi’s eyes snapped up. Another bloom of candle light broke the darkness and illuminated a face - Hanji’s. For a moment the two stared at each other, and then in the flickering light Levi watched their face harden. They didn’t say a word as they marched over. Not when they set the candle down with a hard thunk. Not when they pulled a chair out, face grim, and sank down.

The two stared at each other for an excruciatingly long time, only the sounds of their breathing filling their room. Hanji sighed first and relaxed, the anger in their face smoothing out as they sank back into their chair. He raised the strainer, paused as they started to speak.

“Levi… You and Mike slept together, right?” He nodded slowly, quiet, and Hanji exhaled quietly with a nod of their own. “I figured. You guys were gone for so long that day, and no one could find you… But since then - Levi, what happened? What did you _do_?”

Their face twisted into a strange expression of grief and anger, and they reached out and grabbed his wrist, halted his hand even though it hadn’t moved. “Levi, he really liked you. You’ve been an ass, especially to him, but he still liked you. _Likes_ you. And whatever you said or did _crushed_ him. It’s hard to tell with Mike, I’m sure you know that, but it’s impossible for me to miss. Especially when he comes to me _crying_.”

Levi pressed his other hand to his mouth, looked away as he choked a little. _Of course. Of course I made him cry._ “Hanji…” he breathed, and the tight grip on his wrist loosened a hair. “Hanji… I didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t mean to… get close to him.”

Their face was soft when he glanced up, throat burning, and they nodded as they pulled their hand away. “I know. You’re an ass and a bit of an idiot, but you’re not cruel. And you’ve looked like shit. You wouldn’t look like that if you didn’t care.”

Their hands settled on the table in front of them. Flat at first, then they tapped. Laced their fingers together. Hanji settled on gently wringing their fingers as they bit their lips, and Levi held back his words. They were working on something, and gods knew what it could be with Hanji. Finally they looked up, and Levi’s fingers tightened on his teacup. Curled over the top. “What did you say to him?”

“Something I shouldn’t have.” _It was a casual fuck._ Levi’s hand shook as he brought the cup to his lips and sipped. Set it back down with a sigh. “I told him it was casual. Like what we’d done - what I’d said weren’t important. Like they could be thrown away. Because I couldn’t tell him I was scared.”

Hanji’s brows scrunched, then they nodded. “You feel something for him?” A nod. “Something you haven’t before.” Not a question, but a statement. He nodded again. Hanji nodded slowly and laced their fingers together as they sank forward in their chair with a soft click of their tongue. “You should tell him.”

“Would it help?”

“It certainly won’t if you don’t try. Levi.” He glanced up from his teacup, met their hard brown eyes, dark with threats. “Don’t hurt Mike anymore. I don’t have many friends, but Mike is one of them, and if you hurt him more… So tell him the truth. He doesn’t deserve to suffer, not in this life. We already have to suffer enough because of the titans. Don’t make it worse.”

“... Okay.” Because, if nothing else, Mike deserved the truth. And the words were bitter in Levi’s mouth, making it hard to say anything without thinking of them.

Hanji nodded. Stood. “Go to bed soon. We’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

He grunted in response and they smiled faintly before they spun around and strode out, back straight and head held high. And Levi curled overtop his tea with a shuddering breath that made the cool liquid ripple. _Isabel, Farlan… what do I do? What do I say?_ The only response was a gutter of the flame.

* * *

 

Mike was impossible to catch alone. Levi didn’t recall it being so hard before, not that he’d had much of a reason to corner Mike. But he’d certainly seen more of him throughout the halls before the whole mess had started than he did in the days that followed it and the late-night discussion with Hanji. And when he was alone, Mike kept their conversations short and clipped, gruff as before. Except his eyes never quite found Levi’s. Or his face for that matter. And Levi wasn’t entirely sure if that pissed him off more or saddened him more.

But his feelings didn’t matter - in the entire situation they were irrelevant. It was Mike that mattered. Mike and the reparations he needed to make. The distance he hoped he could cross. It brought back a thing Farlan had once said, something about burning bridges. How it made crossing them again impossible. Levi could only hope he hadn’t scorched theirs into oblivion.

He wrung his hands together as he made his way to the stables, the dusk light darkening the grounds of the headquarters, making it hard to see. He knew the path by heart though, and he made it quickly, entered. A few lanterns had been hung, illuminating the dark stables. Some of the horses raised their heads and sleepily snorted and nickered at him. He scratched a few snouts on his way down to the end where his was stabled, a handsome gray mare with white spots on her rump.

He pulled a brush off the wall and started on her neck with a quiet sigh. Pressed close into her warm body a moment later. “This sucks.” She blew a puff of air as a response. Levi smiled faintly into her neck and leaned back. Kept on brushing her with long, slow strokes. He’d settled into a nice rhythm brushing along her sides when another voice broke the quiet, one that made him jerk to a stop.

“Hey there, Pretty Girl,” Mike murmured, his voice honey and soft. It sent shivers up Levi’s spine as he pressed closer against his horse, listened to her heart pound into one ear and Mike’s voice in the other. “Sorry I’m so late - Erwin held me up discussing expedition plans. Always thinking ahead, trying to make sure it’s as perfect as it can be.” Mike hummed softly. His horse crunched away at something, an apple or a carrot maybe. Levi found himself not breathing as he strained his ears, listened closer. He knew where Mike’s horse was - two stables to his left. It would be easy to slip out and corner him, to talk to him. And yet he held still, listening closely.

“‘S hard, being around him y’know?”

His voice was softer. More pained. Levi’s stomach twisted. He pressed closer against his horse, breath caught in his throat as he strained his ears. Clenched his hands. “I wanna, but… if it’s not what he wants, then that’s okay too.”

Levi dropped the brush into the hay and lurched out of the stall, down the short distance to Mike’s stall, and he slapped his hand to the wood, caught himself before he could launch himself in. Mike whipped around, eyes wide and nose twitching. Surprise. Confusion. Hurt. The last one made Levi cringe as he took a step closer, curled his hands into fists. “Levi-”

“ _Mike_ .” The blond’s mouth shut with a snap and his arms fell to his side as his horse nudged his shoulder, mouthed at his shirt. “I don’t- I’m shit with words, okay? And I’m even worse with feelings. Especially my own.” Levi’s nails bit into his palms, harsh, unforgiving, but he didn’t look away, didn’t bite his tongue. _Just do it._

“It wasn’t a casual fuck. It never was. And I’m an asshole for saying it, and for lying. I was scared, because I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing or what the fuck I felt, and - shit, Mike.” His hands went slack and Levi sagged a little, voice going soft, quiet. “I didn’t want to admit that I liked you. Because I felt like I was still supposed to hate you.”

Gray eyes fell, fixed on Mike’s stomach, and Levi watched him breathe. Levi’s hands twitched by his side, useless. He wanted to reach out, to touch Mike. To cup his face and pull him close and tell him how sorry he was a hundred times, a thousand times.

But warm hands curled over his cheeks first, hesitant and shaking. The touch made his eyes snap up to meet Mike’s, shining with unshed tears. “Levi…” he whispered, “Is that…?”

He nodded. The smile Mike gave him was positively breathtaking as he pressed their foreheads together with a smile. “Thank God.”

And Levi’s cheeks were burning, his heart was thumping, as he pressed closer into Mike. They stood like that for a few long moments before Mike moved, nudged Levi’s head further up before he pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Levi’s hands rose, unstoppable, and curled into Mike’s hair as he pressed closer and tried to drink in as much as he could.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed between kisses, “I’m so sorry.” And Mike just smiled and kissed him harder. Gently pushed and walked him back until his back was to the stall wall. Laughed when Levi tugged on his hair and bit his lips. Cried when Levi wrapped his arms around his neck, face on fire and heart ready to pound out of his chest, as he breathed into Mike’s hear. “I think I love you, you mutt.”

Because he wasn’t scared to admit it. And it made him feel so much lighter, even as Mike crushed him to his chest, grip painfully tight, and pressed kisses all over his face again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally at the end! ~~And totally not because i forgot to post this thanks to school and work I'm sorry~~  
>  Thank you for all who bothered to stick around <3

**Author's Note:**

> Will update soon. Please leave comments :>  
> Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day/night/existence.


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